Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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