Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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