i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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