wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
