remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
