Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
