You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
