I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I need a beard to bite.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
