I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
