she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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