I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm getting married
To pizza
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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