I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
