hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
