some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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