We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
