She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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