Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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