I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
