just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
