this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
