Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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