That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
