i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
