She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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