Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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