Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
barbara walters just said penis...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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