you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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