I just pynch a tree in the face
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
