Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
