Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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