I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
