hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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