you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
