yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
