Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
