I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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