Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
