I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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