It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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