Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
