You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
