I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
