Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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