We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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