definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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