I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
