She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
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I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
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Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
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