I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She bit a glass in half.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
