Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
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