my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize