If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
we're so committed to being not committed
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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