Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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