OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
