just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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