I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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