he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
