hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
