Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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