my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I licked your asshole in confidence.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
