Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
