I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
