Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
