Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Randomize
