Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
