apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
