I just gift wrapped bread.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
