I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Is it penis luge time yet?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
