Ambien. No doubt about it.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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