oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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