Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
