I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
