u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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