ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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