OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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