if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
