I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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