i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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