This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
