Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
