i dont even know how to be here
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
