i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
