Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
