That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
